Cheer Up

Cheer Up

this is not the refined, post exhibit edit

Hold On

Assurance about what you do not see

7 Seals

Tin Man

Thorn in Your Side

Why do bad things happen to good people? Nobody cares. Point is, you’re stuck in an unexpected mud pit of doom and it wasn’t your fault. Something happened that was out of your control. It sucks, it hurts and it’ll leave scars & you’re thinking about the good ol’ days. Thats all nice, but how will you adjust? Who will help you? How can you help yourself?

Tick tock. Think quickly. You can’t escape the present, only the past. You know your past. The future is an idea. The present is an infinite transition between the known and an idea; call it purgatory.

10 Questions out of the 200

1. I ask myself a lot of questions about what God’s thinking in regards to me, but I don’t want to know the answers. Why is that?
2. Why does my particular type of epilepsy affect my basic human abilities/functions?
3. How did I become so stubborn?
4. Why does it bother me when people say that I’m strong/resilient?
5. What made my physical, mental health decline rapidly within a decade? Everything is chronic; its never going away. The list keeps building.
6. Why do I feel so connected to a family I’ve never met?
7. Am I weird because I talk to my parents more than others who are my age?
8. Where do people draw the line between private versus public?
9. Why do I enjoy exposing what most do not see?
10. Why don’t I want people to congratulate me?

10 Questions

 

10 questions about the top 10 of “100 Questions

**Note: parenthesis indicate that a question is from the original 100 but runs in the same vein as the underlined question**

 

Why do I feel so connected to a family I’ve never met?

1. (Why did Miem and Maupie lose their father to cancer?
2. (Why does Mrs. Bernice have to be a single mom when her children are so young?
3. Generally, I’m bad at comforting people. How can I help them when they are going through a rough patch?
4. How is it that Mrs. Bernice and I maintained contact for 3 years?
5. Why do we talk several times a week?
6. Is it modern/digital form of being pen-pals?
7. Will we ever get to see/meet eachother?
8. Why do Miem and I pretend to be next door neighbors by looking out of a widow to see if we see the same things?
9. She is in The Netherlands and I am in The States. How is it that we actually see the same things- a set of bicycles, flower patches, weather conditions, etc?
10. Why do I relate to a 14-year-old Dutch girl, more than most students on campus?

 

Why do I dislike being happy?

1. (When is something bad going to happen to me?)
2. (Why do my parents have a hard time accepting the fact that I may have PTSD?)
3. (I am undeserving, unworthy and it makes me uncomfortable that God has blessed me.)
4. How long have I been like this?
5. Why am I just now recognizing this odd mental state?
6. What is the source? Medication? Environment?
7. Why am I stubborn?
8. What made my physical, mental health decline rapidly within a decade? And everything is chronic; its never going away. The list keeps building.
9. Does disliking joy mean I enjoy pain?
10. What am I afraid of?

 

Given Janak’s relationship with his parents, is he essentially an orphan?

1. How does he take care of his mom?
2. How much does he have to work to support her?
3. Are people born with schizophrenia or does it develop over time? Perhaps it can be both, like epilepsy
4. Why did his brother and father desert them simply because he performed well in school?
5. What made me become friends with the ladies with severe paranoia and schizophrenia?
6. What is it about that hospital that made it one of the best experiences of my life?
7. Am I weird because I talk to my parents more than most?
8. What angers me when people say I’m elitist/privileged?
9. When I ask my parents if I come off that way, my mom immediately says no. My dad hesitates and says kinda-sorta-yes. Why the different answers?
10. Both of Ike’s parents had near-death experiences. If they died, what would be his long-term response (with regard to comforting, protecting his younger sisters)?

 

Why didn’t brain surgery work?

1. Is it God’s way of saying that the only solution/cure rests with Him, rather than physicians?
2. Why do neurologists have a hard time treating it with medication? For other patients, it is easy to find one that works.
3. (Why does my particular type of epilepsy affect my basic human abilities/functions?)
4. (What is the purpose of me being here for 6 years?)
5. (What does God want to do with all of my Davidson history? …premed, soccer, Spanish, art, illness, relationships)
6. (People smile and tell me that God has a particularly special/different plan for me. Why does everyone think that? Dean Jeffries said it freshman year, before anything “drastic” happened)
7. (What do people see in me that I don’t?)
8. (Why does it bother me when people say that I’m strong/resilient?)
9. (I ask myself a lot of questions about what God’s thinking in regards to me, but I don’t want to know the answers. Why is that?)
10. At The Mayo Clinic, I had to trigger 5 seizures before surgery; surgeons needed to know exactly where to cut. Why was I more than willing to inflict self-harm? It took weeks for most patients to make themselves have one; I did all 5 in less than 48 hours.

 

Why is articulation difficult for me?

1. Is this related to why I avoid writing essays?
2. Is it intentional?
3. Am I subconsciously keeping secrets from others? From myself?
4. When did I start rambling?.
5. If it annoys me, how much does it annoy others?
6. How can I get my point across quickly?
7. Am I frantic? Panicked? Distracted?
8. How do I collect/link my thoughts?
9. When will organization return?
10. Do I produce garbage because I already know that I wont be able to explain it?

 

Why am I opposed to walking at graduation?

1. What does graduating form Davidson mean?
2. What does walking across a stage mean?
3. Why don’t I want people to know that I graduated?
4. Why do I view it as a quiet sigh of relief rather than a reason to celebrate?
5. How will I keep in touch with staff members when I leave? They know that I’m graduating and I am happy that they are happy.
6. Professor Maiz-Pena expects to see me walk, why haven’t I told her?
7. Will I buy a frame for my diploma or file it with my other legal documents?
8. Why don’t I want anyone to congratulate me? I don’t even want my family/friends to throw a party. I want to see everyone, but not for that reason.
9. Why are kids/students excited for that day? The event seems artificial. Does it have substantial value?
10. I’m a camera-nerd. Why don’t I care enough to take photos in a cap and gown? I didn’t even bother purchasing one.

 

Does Payton have friends now?

1. (Does he like my letters?)
2. How did the Air Force transform him in less than a year? His maturity, academics and social behavior skyrocketed in less than a year.
3. Why didn’t I defend him when we were kids?
4. Was I a passive bully by not helping him?
5. Why was I a mean sister?
6. Why did/does he love me, regardless?
7. Would he be an introvert if he wasn’t picked on?
8. Did I stunt him socially?
9. Why did our parents let him stop playing sports and music? He has much more talent than me, but I wasn’t allowed to quite on a whim.
10. Now that he’s an Airman, why do I want to join the Air Force? Why do “I want to be like him when I grow up”?

 

Why do I love mocking social media?

1. Is it because you don’t get a full understanding of how someone is?
2. Why is everything idealized?
3. Is that a lie of omission?
4. How do people censor what they share versus what they don’t?
5. What makes someone delete something that they already posted?
6. How accurate is someone’s profile when compared to their real life?
7. How do I use social media?
8. Where do people draw the line between private versus public?
9. If something is private, is it because it’s too personal?
10. Is it personal because it’s a vulnerable part of their reality?

 

Why am I fascinated by light and color?

1. (What draws me to photography?)
2. Why do I enjoy exposing what most people do not see?
3. How many ways can I (or anyone) transform commonalities by altering viewpoints?
4. Why is it that we only see colors when “invisible” light is manipulated?
5. What came first- light or darkness?
6. Why do I want to do a holographic projection instead of a video on a monitor? They both involve light and color.
7. How do people determine whether they want a projector or a monitor in their home theaters?
8. Which is better?
9. What else follows the concept of seeing the unseen? (color vs white light)
10. Does God fall into that category?

 

Why do I still have a grudge against Greg?

1. (Should I arrange a meeting with him?)
2. (Why was I the first black girl on the soccer team?)
3. Did he start recruiting more minorities because I made a joke about being the only one in Davidson’s history?
4. Did the athletic director give him brownie points for that?
5. Why did he blame my commitment to academics as his reason for cutting me?
6. Did he dislike me because I was a walk-on?
7. Why did the upperclassmen protest his decision?
8. Did Lycan stop coaching because of him?
9. Why did she offer me a spot on Virginia Tech’s team?
10. Its been 6 years. I forgive quickly and easily. What is it about this particular situation that preserves the hatred?